You may notice some themes threading through these quotes…
Twenty-something guy in skinny jeans and a beanie finds his seat next to us on the plane home from Miami. He smiles as he gets buckled, pulls out his phone and avoids eye contact, obviously not in the mood to chitchat with the four year-old he got stuck sitting next to on a 4 hour flight. Cue Nora:
So, where do you live on Colorado?
Where is that?
The intersection of Parker Road and Arapahoe Road.
[She turns and looks at me like, Please translate. Is that by the pool? Papa’s house? Give me a landmark or something.]
That’s by Gigi’s house, I whisper.
[Satisfied, she turns back to him.]
Cool. We live with Layla.
I’ve just stepped out of the shower into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She stumbles out of her room like Kramer.
I’m feeling sick.
Like what? What hurts?
Like I can’t go to school and I need to eat donuts and watch TV.
In the ocean in orange floaties bobbing up and down over gentle, rolling waves.
I don’t like it when Chris goes to work. It makes me frustrated and it makes me lonely and you lonely. Right mom?
Well, not lonely. But it sure is fun with him. But when he works he earns money. And that’s how he bought the surf board.
OK! We don’t need him here!
On way to school and work:
Me: “Uuuugggghhhh. Dammit.”
Nora: “What mom. Did you forget your wallet again?”
On a walk after school:
Jesus, Layla, stop pulling on the leash!
Uh, Nora, we shouldn’t say “Jesus” unless its in a very nice, appreciative way.
Then why do you yell it?
Nora, from the back seat:
Mom, what is the letter that’s close by “B”? It has antlers.
Close by “B”? You mean “C”?
I said antlers. Like duh duh Deer. “D.” Do you not know your letters?”
Conversations in the bathroom:
Mom! I thought I had to poop but nothing is in there!
So you didn’t poop?
I thought I did.
Well, did you or didn’t you?
Ohhhhh I know. It was just a toot!
Yeah. It was like I felt a toot that was an anchor up there and I had to pull it out and then it was a toot!
More on poop:
Mom, promise you won’t be upset when I say it.
Promise you won’t be mad when I say IT.
[deep breath] OK. I promise.
I accidentally stuck my finger in poop. [Holds out finger]
Pretty much every day when I check the mail:
Me: Shit. I can’t find my keys. I lost my keys.
Nora: You left them in the mail box again.
Dammit, it’s raining. Now what.
I can hold my breath for 30 pounds.
You’re talking so loud I can barely hear you!
We wipe our bottoms so we don’t get cracks inside our bottoms. Right mom?
Mom, ‘member that time you lost your phone in the airport? That was bad.
I need to go pike my bark.
Why? Why? But why? Why? How do you know? Why? But how do you know?! Why? Why?
You keep telling me to put on my pajamas, but you just told me that like 6 years ago.
To Chris over the phone:
My mom wants to talk to you (no I don’t. She just says that when she wants to get off the phone). But we will always love you when we aren’t talking to you.
After spending two nights at my parents/her grandparents’ house, we lied down in my bed and stared at the ceiling quietly. Then:
Ahhh. There’s nothing like sleeping in your own bed.
After I stopped by her preschool for a pizza party I helped her get cozy on her mat for nap time:
I love you, mom. You have boring work to do. And I have boring sleep to do. Then I’ll see you soon.
On the couch:
I don’t know what I’d do without you, mom.
You took the words from my mouth. I love you, beautiful.