I know a lot of people think blogging is a joke. And I get it. A new blog is born every half second which means almost 175,000 blogs are created PER DAY and that analysis was performed in 2006. And as of 2011, WordPress reported that over 379 million people view more than 3.5 billion pages each month.
I stop reading when numbers are involved so if you’re like me let me make this easy for you:
THAT’S A SHIT TON OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
Not that all blogs are like this one where it’s all about me; many are conglomerates of news stories or entertainment gossip or “How To” blogs dedicated to helping you learn how to cook, how to dress, or HOW TO MAKE OUT.
Self-righteous side tangent:
“How to make out” was the 3rd default option when I typed “how to” in Google. First of all, I would have loved to have the Internet when I was 13 when I had my first kiss. #1 stuck his tongue in my mouth like a famished reptile and I had no clue what to do. So I stood there head craned up to his 6-foot slobbering mouth and darted my tongue back into his. I felt the need to contribute something. But you guys? EW. EWWWWWW. It was disgusting, and I was terrified he would know I was doing it wrong. I had to be doing it wrong because it was disgusting! I saw no other option but to drop to the ground and feign a stomach ache. And he walked me back to my friend’s house in the dark as I held my stomach in pretend agony and prayed to God to forgive me for my sins — the kiss, of course, and my bad acting.
Second of all: There’s a good reason we should NOT have this kind of information on the Internet. I mean, God intended the first kiss to be awful so kids wouldn’t run to further bases. It’s a pointless argument, though, because Al Gore is happy to report the Internet isn’t going anywhere and it’s only getting bigger. But that doesn’t mean your kid has to purchase the hard copy of Seventeen magazine and hide in her bedroom with it. What about National Geographic? Crossword puzzles? Or recording your voice over and over on a cassette tape pretending you’re a radio talk show host? No? Maybe that was just the 90s.
Making out aside, the purpose of this post was to tell you that despite the narcissism and other criticism associated with blogging, it is one of the most humbling things I’ve ever done. Why?
Because I started this blog with the same self-righteous energy I exhibited when I was thirteen and screaming at my dad in the doorway of my bedroom that if he didn’t un-ground me so I could go to the skating rink on Valentine’s Day MY LIFE WOULD BE OVER. I might have been a jerk but I’ll have you know my dad grounded me because I didn’t put the cordless phone back on the charger. Can you believe that? Whose got my back?
My blogging resolution is to continue to be hyper-sensitive about talking down to my readership. And by “readership” I am referring to my sister and my best friend. Hi guys! Miss you!
Whoever you are, even if you’re just here out of curiosity because I dated your friend, or your son, or because I once worked for you at Cici’s Pizza (Welcome to Cici’s!), I respect your time and am humbled that you take a few seconds out of your day to read one of the millions of blogs on the double-you, double-you, double-you.
Happy New Year, and here’s to blogging, because everyone’s story matters, even us pasty hobos.
Love it, absolutely love it! And I’ve got your back: not putting a phone on a charger is NOT a ground-able offense!
Thank you and thank you! Do you have blogging resolutions??
I got your back- fu*k the phone charger, and you should’ve gone skating– Mazeltov dadio. May be when Nora forgets to charge one, you’ll let her enjoy herself.
Personally no blogging resolution or any resolution for that matter for me. May be do what I like more often and write a blog about it. Oh no, not another one!!
But I surely hope that all the bloggers out there would get laid more often. Then we (the read, your friends and family) will have something exciting to read about LOL
Happy New Year hobo